An older person who only met me for maybe an hour at most told me that I am a person who is interested in human being.

That’s pretty true and I was somewhat astonished how he stated it in such as simple way and so soon after our acquaintance. Well, I did tell him that I was a history and art major. Not sure how much that helped him.

It can be generally agreed that I am interested in people and I noticed how I like to read autobiographies and biographies of people. I am interested in how these great figures make their world changing decisions. At the same time, I am actually looking for myself, if I can relate to any of them and learn from them at the same time. It seems like history make them the way they are. The environment that they lived in and what they experienced play a large part in the way they are, including their beliefs and doctrines and mode of thinking. Their experience affected their decisions. That is rather obvious. More like external factors that affected their inner thinking and philosophy. A good example would be Mao and Chiang. They relied on different bases of people, and it affected how they maneuvered their powers. Yet at the same time, they are a bunch of very unique people who stood above everyone else who was in the same environment and sharing the same external experience. This bunch of people stood above because they made different choices, they did something different, and they reacted differently, different from millions of others in the same boat. And thus they made changes and changed the world.

Well, back to me. Am I one of those people? No. I am not that special. I am not that great. But my experience is a bit unique from most people and thus I think somewhat differently about the world than most people. And it’s tiresome because it’s hard to find someone likeminded, someone who see eyes to eyes from how I see things. Yeah, and from others’ point of view, I don’t agree with anybody or groups generally speaking.

It’s a tiring and lonesome experience. I get somewhat worn out by it every now and then. Getting people to agree with you is a tiring craft. It’s probably easier to convince people.

And how does that related to what I am trying to determine by starting this…writing, paper, essay, self-reflection…whatever you would like to call it? Well, what I wrote in the paragraphs above are unintentional, I just got sidetracked but I think it revealed something, that I am lonely in my view of the world and that might be related to why I like to write and express myself in numerous ways. I want to say something.

I am a trapped creature. I have to be careful on how I say and what I say 24/7, 56 weeks a year and 365 days a year for whatever years I have on earth from now on. There are things I want to say in church, but I just can’t say them. There are things I wanted to say to class and to a particular audience but I can’t because of all the institutions and possible criticism and…

I want to be activists because I can’t stand the problems that are being ignored by the world. I want to solve problems. I want to give the best time of my life devoted to solving problems. It’s not about film, journalism, psychology, counseling, Asian studies or international relations…it’s about solving problems, making things better for people.

And I know I am incapable of solving problems, I just want people to know and care about these problems so someone more capable could solve them. That would be my role. I would of course help in ways that I can, but I think my general role would be bring those problems out to the world.

So what do I need to do? I need to improve my language proficiency in the languages that I know. I need to learn to make website. Overall, I would have to find a way of living doing such a thing. Maybe have a part-time that would sustain my living expense and