As I am contemplating on furthering my studies, several brothers at church are leaving to study in the US the coming academic year. One of them is going to be exchange students for a term in Michigan. One is going to Alabama for a year to get his master in social work.  

As for me, I am still thinking. Film (2 years), counseling (3 years) or a master in humanities like Peace and Conflict Studies, Asian Studies…(1-2 years). 

Or should I just take a year off away from everybody to get myself together and figure myself out? I know of some friends who did that, like took a year to teach English in Xian, serviced in Thailand for a year, took a trip to the Silk Road alone, traveled around the world for a year and etc… 

I was actually thinking of doing that last year, but I got derailed thanks to my feeble mind. I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do last year. I was a bit embarrassed about it. I am always embarrassed about things I wanted to do and only tell strangers about my dreams. It’s a bit nuts. How can I make other believe in me when I can’t even say what I want. It’s true, I messed up my chances several times because I was either afraid, scare or lazy.